Reframing It: Feeling Behind The Curve

So last weekend I turned 35. I should have woken up excited for the day ahead, but I woke up feeling lost. Birthdays are a very reflective time, looking back over the last year, over your life, at what you have achieved, and I can’t help but think that I still don’t know what I want to do ‘when I grow up’ – except the problem is that I’ve already grown up! I look around at friends who seem to have their lives together and sorted, then the comparison demon rears it head and I feel inferior. I use the excuses that I’ve had a lot on over the last few years: the pandemic, Charlie’s diagnosis, moving house etc, but that’s all they are – excuses to try to mask the unsettled feeling of being behind the curve.

This annual reflection has made me feel like I have had little success in my life. I haven’t stuck with a job for that long – 4 years being the longest – I have moved house 10 times in the last 15 years (not including several moves across military bases!), and my hobbies and new obsessions change frequently. I have always said that I just get bored easily, but in reality I just don’t think I’ve ever found anything that has really gripped me on a deep enough level. There are certain things that have stayed consistent during my life of course: my love of video games, being active and out in nature, travel etc. But none of this demonstrates my maturity and commitment in a societally acceptable way. The standard way to demonstrate this is to get a job, get a house, work your way up the ladder in one company or job type, be settled, set roots down, retire… This has never sat well in my head – and my actions over my life show this.

In order to try to calm the panic and screaming in my brain I have been attempting to focus on what I actually have achieved – to reframe the situation! Granted, it’s not the standard “get a job, work your way up the ladder, be content in your everyday life” achievement, but I have had so many amazing experiences which just wouldn’t have happened if I had not changed it up every now and then – who am I kidding, I change it up all the time!

I have been to university and made some incredible friends (and got a degree), climbed Kilimanjaro with my dad, tried tonnes of different sports (ice hockey, netball, windsurfing…the list goes on), visited weird and wonderful places, served in the military in the UK and overseas, been through numerous promotions despite having only worked in these jobs for a short time, met and married my best friend, been on lots of spontaneous adventures, made our house a home (each time we have moved, which is a lot!). I have realised that my achievements are less about the outcomes and more about a journey of discovery, self-discovery in particular.

I have always been curious by nature and I have realised that whenever I have been curious about something I have just gone for it. This is something I am actually really proud of. I have always considered myself quite risk-averse, but my sister-in-law pointed out that I was anything but that, and looking back on my life I realise she is right. I am a risk-taker. I often venture into the unknown and seek out new experiences, I have been like this since childhood. This characteristic was often met with being told that I “never stick at anything” or that “I’m too picky”, but in reality I love learning new things, having new experiences, and discovering the less well trodden paths.

My 35 years on this earth have been one big, exciting adventure and long may it continue. Roll on 36 – I can’t wait to look back at what I have achieved over this next year! If you too are feeling a bit stuck, stop comparing yourself to other people and focus on the things you have achieved.